There is a name for people who are not excited
about their work - unemployed.

Opportunities for meaningful communication between parents
and children must be created. And it’s work to achieve.

Although my
nature is not to
live by day,
I cannot
tolerate another
night like this.

So,

I will wake up
early
tomorrow morning and
do do do
all day long,
falling asleep
exhausted tomorrow
early evening,
too tired
even for
nightmares.

oh and then there's this...

title subject: hey sweetheart... (i keep telling him to stop calling me sweetheart, that i'm not a kid)

now reading: the bridal season by connie brockway

losing a whole day

you ever had a day slip by you unnoticed or time fly by so fast that you lose all sense of time and date? warp speed. our ship has speed ahead 23 hours. we skipped a day. an important day, to which without that day then sunday wouldn't be a holiday routen (our day off!). we had maybe 5 hours of saturday, but yet, i still had to stand the sat-sunday midnight to 4am watch. see this vital time frame? without this time frame, sunday (today) would've been a cake day.

how i miss inn 'n' out. but not as much as my family, and land.

navy life. work, standing watches, eat, gym, academic class, read, movies, and sleep. what else is to be expected from a broke down ship? take last night for an example... the engineering officer wanted to switch generates. unfortunately the generator that it'd be switched to will not start - prognosis of why it woun't start: unknown. prognosis of switching generators: canceled, or else face coniquence of being dead in the water, and have spaces in the ship flood. a glorous day here on the boxer.

i'm back home. home. a place i won't see for almost 4 months. i won't see my mom, sisters, or best friend... and i'd add dad, but what's there to miss besides something i'd like to do without right now = his drama. but this weekend, i'm home. and i'm now setting out to go out with my best bud..... so i'm not going to be home that long tonigt. even though i woke up at about 3 or 4 am.... damn sea and anchor, and mooring to the peir.. bs.

sea and anchor is at 2pm. they're letting us take lunch here soon, and then muster again at 1:30PM.  we're going to camp pen to do some ammo onload for this week. and then we're supposed to leave for deployement on the 14th. the admiral of the pacific fleet gave us a quick pep talk this morning. and so when i'm underway this week, unable to use my cell phone, i'll still be able to play with the internet, and my dvds, cds and reading books. i'm all packed and ready for next week. i don't want to go...

UPDATE.... from boxerpeople... we're supposed to be underway right now, but thanks to those lazy engineers, we're still here in san dog. sea and anchor details was at 2pm, then an hour later, we're notified over the 1mc (main speaker) that the underway for this week's movement was postponed till 6pm. almost 3 mother fuckin hours later. i don't mind being at land right now. but the fact remands that we're stuck on this god forsaken ship, doing nothing but either wishing we were able to get of the ship (like me) or that we were already underway. plus i don't know how we're going underway for the deployement when our ship is in ship poor condition right now; the fire main pipes has a small hole, and thus the damage countrol guys pretty much decked taped the problem, then there's the fact that our ship is in dier need of going to the wards right now. i'm sick of this ship.... update.... the assistant 1st LT wants the brow (the access ramp) put back on the ship... and sea and anchor is supposed to occur at 5:15pm? i don't think so... ~michelle

so it's another fucking new year...

looking back at the year i think i'll pass in wanting to know if 2004 will be any better. last year i had some hopes for the year, but then the year just started dragging till finally i just said screw this year. so i'll be saying screw 2004 right now, cause i don't want to pretend like the years are going to miraculously change; like my father would quite his drama games; that my ship doesn't have to go to iraq in 2 weeks; that i've got to wait a little longer for the aschool for my job, plus retake that stupid asvab test. it's a fucking new year. what's going to change that i don't already know about? i would love for a miracle to come and change the start of my fucking new year. NO EXPECTATIONS FOR THIS YEAR. no thank you. no resolutions, because then i'll just get pissed off if i brake one of them. i know that i've gained weight this last year, and that this year i need to start working out again. and i know that i gots to start working on waking my ass up in the morning on my own, so that way when there's those occasions (like new years eve when i worked till the afternoon) where someone's not going to be there for me, and whoops, i'm a half hour late to work. begin to be aware of how much fucking money i spend in two weeks - aka save money. so let me ask you this?... why make resolutions on these things when it's been really hard trying to break these habits in the past? why set myself to a possibly dissapointment here?

last night i wasn't all keen into going to that bar in long beach with my sisters. there was too many drunk stupid buffoons everywhere, pissing me off, a few bands that played nothing but 80's songs, and then i wasn't in a good mood to begin with for a "prom new years party". it was one of those nights where i was just standing there without a care, minus getting pissed off when some drunk bumps into me and makes me spill my Guinness. my sisters were a little on my case last night whenever they saw that i wasn't having a good time. so i just decided to have a lot to drink last night (mgd, guinness, coke&rum, adious, and a shot of baileys) and to just dance mother fucker, dance.

what i will not leave behind or forget about 2003...

lord of the rings: return of the king. jude law naked in cold mountain. tori amos' new albumn. when i told dad most of my feelings and then hanging up on him (even though i felt guilty for hanging up on him, it still felt really good). making so much money, and then spending practically all of it during each pay checks (2 weeks time). my 16 year of dog that i so loved tha died on the day that i graduated from bootcamp. going to bahrain, australia, and hawaii. seeing my aunts and cousins from washington (or as my grandfather diligently puts it, wash-engton). spending most of all this years holidays and birthdays with my family. and just spending time with my family and the small cluster of friends that i have left in upland - my old friends.