first! i am not pregnant. though this 10 pounds that i’ve gained this year, and brought all to my stomach, well it sure feels like pregnancy. second, men are ass holes. ass holes. and bastards. and did i say ass holes?! and fuckers. ex is one. father is one. yup… and the fact that i’ve been eating like there’s no tomorrow and not going to the gym like i used to and then there’s the fact that i’m no longer able to sleep normal like i used to… meaning just sleep. without waking up 5 times in the night or so… and that my dears is probably why my relatives on my ass hole father’s side think that i’m just an attention person right now, pretending sicknesses like unable to sleep, having depression, and an appatite that will feed the world, but afterwards, will give a car enough gas to drive cross country….

todays another duty day… the part that sucks is not that it’s on a sunday but the ship is leaving tomorrow for a 5 day tour around the coast of san dog, for AST (AAV) week… which is a “the” test fase for the amphib ships… i was able to get off the ship for a bit so that i could at least get some food at taco bell… and so now before i went to bed, i thought i’d watch the desperado, and mask of zoro bit on the tubs right now…
new things that’s been going on lately besides the ship being referbished and the week underways, home for the weekends, and getting back in contact with the masl’s (and my dad) for my birthday, and hopefully stay in contact… well i’m sorta robbing the craddle right now… he’s 22 (i just turned 28 last wendesday on the 28th)… his name’s byron, and yes he’s going through a divorce right now, and apparently she’s left him and gone back home to oragon… but we’re not serious.. ie boyfriend girlfriend. but the sex is quite good…

   
mom and cousin matthew

my mom is the best. i’m glad that i’m back and all. i’ve been able to spend much needed time with her, and we’re both glad that we’ve had this time together.

and on the other hand i had dinner with dad today. .it was just like every other dinner with dad. nothing new. same conversations and i’m sorry’s etc… and i’m not really sure if dad heard any of the stuff that i talked about today. and he said that he would come and get me on thursday afternoon to take me from san dog to san bern. just like he offered a week ago. so we’ll see what happens. who knows though. dad said he’d call me sometime last week after we spoke last monday, but he never called. and then he said today that he called me in the morning, but on his message that he left he said that it was 1430. last time i checked that’s not when the sun rises in morning. it would be nice if the mornings started so late, but it doesn’t. any, blabber blabber blabber. yes i’m still mad at my father. but we’ll also see if a relationship can be established from here. what kind i’m not sure.

dad and i

class charlie…

ya i fucked up… class charlie, liberty risk, aka no liberty, and the next lib port will be a bravo aka my libo buddy has to be a e4 or up and apporved by my department, plus i’ll have a 1800 curfue, then the following port i’ll have alpha, meaning full liberty access except i have a 2200 curfue. these are all because i got really shit faced the last night of dubai, and came back to the ship 8 or so minutes late. my master chief p.o. said that he could’ve gotten me no liberty risk if they didn’t put a drunk watch on me to make sure that i was ok from my stupper, but the co wants all drunk watched people to be class charlie. ya i fucked up. so we’re in india right now, and i can’t go take a look at it. ya sure i was able to go on land for a bit to help the deck department to put on the rat guards to the lines going from ship to pier.  i was able to see that the area we’re at is quite rustic. but i can’t look no further than that… ya i fucked up… but at least my master chief isn’t getting on my case too much, sure he’s saying your 27 years old, so the speach i’m about to give you will like treating you like an adult unlike these other youngter underages that came back to the ship blitzed. he’s not too mad at me. but i still fucked up………………

and i can’t believe my past lazzyness, oh not lazzyness, it’s just my schedule. i’ve only spared enough time here to play with my navy_goddess site… my schedule’s been so fucked up that i’ve been unable to get good sleep. so bad that i went to medical today about that. everynight lately i’ve been getting maybe 3 to 5 hours of full sleep. even on the nights that i have off from watches – which haven’t been much. so this is all the new stuff that’s been going on lately. cheers. and happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy….

“if you don’t have bags under eyes, then you’re not a true boxer sailor”

this month has been a very hard trying one. redundancy is written all over this month, for the exception of this week here in Kuwait. i can’t see much of the place as there’s fog on the horizon where land is. i’ve had 4 on 8 off watch rotation, which has been the midnight to 0400 and then the 12 to 1600 watches… everyday…  and then there was a 16 hour straight watch just this last tuesday (my time… i think san dog is about 12 or so hours behind us)… and then my division has found it smart to have me work with them in the evening and they tried to get me to work in the morning an hour after my mid-watch. so right now the bridge lookout watchteam has been complaining about having two watches a day… you know what i’ve been saying to them… ‘tough, i’ve had this for the past month,. and lets not forget that 16 hour boring watch where i was pushing myself not to fall asleep so i was giving the surface warfare officer every new surface or air contact that came into my view…. everybody has their bad share.’ am i bitter? only a little bit. my sleep has been very deranged lately: i’ve had naps, not sleep.

Currently Reading Foxfire: Confessions of a Girl Gang By Joyce Carol Oates see related

vert-reping

singapore was awesome. my friends and i were lucky enough to have taxi drivers casey and roger to show us around singapore. i had live posh (shrimp) and a fish plate (various fish), a beef plate, and another big type of fish (cooked already) that was smilying at us… reminded me of a christmas story. while we were eating there was a lion (dragon) dance around the blocks at the indoor-outdoor resteruant we were at. then we went karaoking for a couple hours, and unfortunatly, back to the ship. so my 6 or so hours of singapore was pretty neat.

other than that, my days here on the ship are now redundant with the gun mount watches. i stand watches on the gun mounts of our ship to prevent attacks from small ships. my watches are unfortanitly the 1200 to 1600 and 0000 to 0400; 4 on and 8 off.. these watches are everyday. except when they stand down the watches for a few days or whatever. my sleeping schedule? they’re naps, not sleep.

my time to take the asvab is coming up soon. and then the rumors are spreading around like crazy about where our next liberty ports are. dubai, india, japan, hawaii…??? where i’m not sure. we were supposed to be back in san dog by april 30th (a friday), now the co wants it to be may 1st (sat) so that way there isn’t that many difficulties getting off the ship, liberty, and out of the base, etc… but this is all rumors. all’s i want is to be home now. i miss everyone…

There is a name for people who are not excited
about their work – unemployed.

Opportunities for meaningful communication between parents
and children must be created. And it’s work to achieve.

Although my
nature is not to
live by day,
I cannot
tolerate another
night like this.

So,

I will wake up
early
tomorrow morning and
do do do
all day long,
falling asleep
exhausted tomorrow
early evening,
too tired
even for
nightmares.

oh and then there’s this…

title subject: hey sweetheart… (i keep telling him to stop calling me sweetheart, that i’m not a kid)

now reading: the bridal season by connie brockway

losing a whole day

you ever had a day slip by you unnoticed or time fly by so fast that you lose all sense of time and date? warp speed. our ship has speed ahead 23 hours. we skipped a day. an important day, to which without that day then sunday wouldn’t be a holiday routen (our day off!). we had maybe 5 hours of saturday, but yet, i still had to stand the sat-sunday midnight to 4am watch. see this vital time frame? without this time frame, sunday (today) would’ve been a cake day.

how i miss inn ‘n’ out. but not as much as my family, and land.

navy life. work, standing watches, eat, gym, academic class, read, movies, and sleep. what else is to be expected from a broke down ship? take last night for an example… the engineering officer wanted to switch generates. unfortunately the generator that it’d be switched to will not start – prognosis of why it woun’t start: unknown. prognosis of switching generators: canceled, or else face coniquence of being dead in the water, and have spaces in the ship flood. a glorous day here on the boxer.

i’m back home. home. a place i won’t see for almost 4 months. i won’t see my mom, sisters, or best friend… and i’d add dad, but what’s there to miss besides something i’d like to do without right now = his drama. but this weekend, i’m home. and i’m now setting out to go out with my best bud….. so i’m not going to be home that long tonigt. even though i woke up at about 3 or 4 am…. damn sea and anchor, and mooring to the peir.. bs.

sea and anchor is at 2pm. they’re letting us take lunch here soon, and then muster again at 1:30PM.  we’re going to camp pen to do some ammo onload for this week. and then we’re supposed to leave for deployement on the 14th. the admiral of the pacific fleet gave us a quick pep talk this morning. and so when i’m underway this week, unable to use my cell phone, i’ll still be able to play with the internet, and my dvds, cds and reading books. i’m all packed and ready for next week. i don’t want to go…

UPDATE…. from boxerpeople… we’re supposed to be underway right now, but thanks to those lazy engineers, we’re still here in san dog. sea and anchor details was at 2pm, then an hour later, we’re notified over the 1mc (main speaker) that the underway for this week’s movement was postponed till 6pm. almost 3 mother fuckin hours later. i don’t mind being at land right now. but the fact remands that we’re stuck on this god forsaken ship, doing nothing but either wishing we were able to get of the ship (like me) or that we were already underway. plus i don’t know how we’re going underway for the deployement when our ship is in ship poor condition right now; the fire main pipes has a small hole, and thus the damage countrol guys pretty much decked taped the problem, then there’s the fact that our ship is in dier need of going to the wards right now. i’m sick of this ship…. update…. the assistant 1st LT wants the brow (the access ramp) put back on the ship… and sea and anchor is supposed to occur at 5:15pm? i don’t think so… ~michelle